Catch Up

2 days. 72 hours. 4,320 minutes. Until? Until my summer class is over and I have my life back again! For two weeks, until Fall classes start. BUT, that’s two whole weeks of fun (and some work thrown in there). This week alone, I have tentative plans to go to a theme park, tubing, and spending lots and lots of time with friends.. Otherwise known as, making up for an entire summer of not doing much into the last few weeks we have left.

A big event took place last week. Well.. a big event to a runner. I ran six pain free miles last Wednesday! As I have previously mentioned, I had a stress fracture that kept me away from running for years and I’m just getting back into full force.A year ago today I could only run a very slow and painful 1 mile once a week. And now? Last week I reached 5 miles, and this week it was 6. To say I am excited is an understatement. The runner’s high? That is some real stuff my friends. However, this brings me to another question. While six miles isn’t my lifetime PDR, it is my post stress fracture PDR. Caitlin at HTP debated this topic a while back on her blog.. are PDR’s a lifetime thing? Is a PR or PDR that you reached when you were 19 still applicable when you are 30? Or, something like having a child or having a serious injury.. do your previous PDR’s still apply? For myself, I still consider those past accomplishments true and yes, I have ran six miles before but that was three years ago and I fought HARD to get back to where I was then, and I’m still not close. In my opinion, post injury or post baby, these new PDR”s deserve their own recognition and celebration.

You can check out my running story and some of my past PR’s here

And now, on to the food…

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Gluten free blueberry pancakes made from a mix that I am slightly obsessed with

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A whole wheat bagel thin topped with cinnamon laughing cow cream cheese and peanut butter, with a side of the juiciest peach on the planet.

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Random craving for a salad with iceberg lettuce, tomato, cheese, and Ranch dressing. Maybe not the “healthiest” salad, but oh so good.

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Fresh corn and okra… helllllooo summertime

And here we have, quite possibly, the best meal I’ve cooked in a long, long time.

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We have here Shrimp Alfredo with Broccoli

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Dinner tonight, however, wasn’t too far behind

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Starting off with a simple salad tossed with a raspberry vinaigrette.

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And followed by a homemade pizza

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I bought some pizza dough from Earth Fare and topped it with their homemade sauce, mozzarella, and Canadian bacon.

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Just add another slice to that plate.. I definitely had more

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And now, off to ponder dessert!

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Thoughts

I had a burger for dinner tonight.

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Just a burger, you say. No big deal, you say.

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However, at one point in time, this simple burger would have sent me into a frenzy. And the thought of eating beef? A full blown panic attack would ensue.

You see, I had an eating disorder. Anorexia. Had? Have? Do these things ever really go away? I’m beginning to think not, at least, not every ounce of it. Am I at a healthy weight? Yes. Do I have a healthy relationship with food? For the most part. Do I still have the thoughts of an anorexic? Do I sometimes want to go back to those dark days? You betcha. Am I forever going to pay for the damage I have done to my body? Absolutely. Honestly, that is the thing that keeps my head above water, as I’m not sure my body can outlast another battle with that demon.

In my summer class (psychology), we have been discussing eating disorders and I am doing a book report on a memoir of an anorexic. Naturally, this things can be triggering. They can also be eye-opening. Some people think that anorexia and eating disorders in general are not really.. disorders.Some think if these people would just eat, it will all be ok. If they will just get help, it will all be ok. Those statements anger me more than almost any other in the human language. Anorexia is a disease. A full blown, mental disease that takes over your mind and body and makes you do things that are absolutely insane. Anorexics starve themselves. And yeah, it may start out as a desire to get thin but to put it simply, it’s starvation. And starvation leads to death. Anorexics are essentially killing themselves, some more slowly than others. And for those of us who are “recovered,” we still pay the price for the damage we have done. Myself physically, I a have developed osteopenia (in other words, super weak bones), an irregular and erratic menstrual cycle, anemia, chronic heartburn, a stress fracture, a heart murmur, an erratic metabolism, hypoglycemia, among other things. All directly because of or related to my eating disorder. And that’s only the physical problems… never mind the emotional and psychological.

All of this is to say, this is why I do what I do. This is why I’m part of the blogging community. This is why I am pursuing a degree that will allow me to work with people who struggle with eating disorders. I will do anything to prevent others from going through the darkness that is anorexia and other eating disorders. It’s a darkness that for me, never completely has gone away. And maybe you say that someone who still  struggles shouldn’t be helping others suffering from the very same thing. But, you see, who else is more knowledgeable and understanding than someone who has gone through the exact same thing. I don’t know about others but the nutritionist I was sent to when I was recovering was everything I didn’t need.. she didn’t understand what I was going through, she gave me a number of calories to eat a day and suggestions of what to eat, and that was that. Needless to say, not much good was done. And so I hope to do the opposite. I want to do good in the world and as corny as it sounds, make a difference in someone’s life. If I help one person, prevent one person from going down the path of anorexia, everything, my struggle, everything, will be worth it.